Lately, my life has been taking multiple turns in different directions. I've become so overwhelmed with the things that are going on around me, I now have a permanent knot that lives inside my stomach. It is funny how life works. All summer I was in a great place, financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally. I was eager to launch my business and finally bring my visions to light. It is funny how life works. When summer ends that means a new season has begun. New problems and new opportunities. It is funny how life works. Here I am months later with a different grasp on life wondering what's in store for me in the future.
Just two weeks after the launch of my website I received some heartbreaking news that affects my mother. Here I am grinding and talking non stop about my boutique when the closest person to me is experiencing a life-changing event. Humbly she kept it to herself for as long as she could. Talk about a mental break. What do I tell myself? How can I be so selfish and blind to those around me? Good thing I learned how to be strong at a young age. I think I may have mastered it. No, let me reword that - I've gained control of the act of being strong. I can put a smile on my face and hold my head up high and confidently push through my day. But does that mean I am strong? How can I master the act of it, but behind closed doors, when I am alone, I let my guard down. And so there were many nights of this because I couldn't even speak to my mother. I wasn't going to break in front of her. She doesn't deserve that. Eventually, I went out and bought my fifth planner for this boutique. I wrote down all of my future plans and ideas. This isn't my first time or second time or even third time creating a business plan. But I knew then that the last plan I created ....is now not going to be good enough for me.
Writing makes me vulnerable. It shows a side of me that many don't see. I tell stories when I write that I normally wouldn't talk about. Not only is my mother weighing heavy on my heart my father is too. He is okay but we aren't. For the first time in my life, I am not speaking to my father as a choice that I made. In the past when we weren't speaking it was always his choice. I am not one to want someone to feel pity for me. The last thing I ever want from someone is them feeling sorry for me. So I'm not going deep into this one.....
I am grateful for my life and what it has become. I am grateful for my business. I am grateful for my family and friends.
Have you ever woke up one day wanting change? Have you ever felt like you weren't complete or happy? I know I can't be the only one. Sometimes I just get into these moods that this isn't enough. Whether it is my financial situation, living situation, or career goals sometimes I feel like I could be doing more. When I start to feel like this I have to remind myself to count my blessings. I literally write them down. Physically seeing what you are blessed with instead of telling yourself makes a big difference. Sometimes you have to remind yourself of the good when you start feeling bad. We may bend but we don't break. We may bleed, but the wounds will heal.
Just when I thought I had it all together, I had an interesting conversation with a special person in my life. It is funny how life works. Life will be our biggest teacher. This conversation led to a rollercoaster of feelings. I mean every emotion you can think of. I feel like my life is changing and I don't have any control over it. This special person was my reality check. I know I am speaking very broadly, but the biggest thing I learned from this interesting conversation, is to appreciate what you have and to follow what you believe in. This is not something that I never heard of before. But I didn't realize what it meant until now. Sometimes we get so caught up with how things are supposed to be or so caught up in the traditional way of things, that we do not fulfill our lives. More opportunities will present itself by just being you. I had to learn that I do not have to have it all figured out before I put my foot forward.
I am grateful for my life and what it has become. I am grateful for my business. I am grateful for my family and friends. It is funny how life works. I pray every night. I always did as a little girl. It's important to count your blessings if you still want to receive them. I do this to help me stay sane. Help me stay grounded. I believe the devil is working his hardest right now to take away my strength. Knowing I can't afford that. I am just getting started...
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